cherish

Sneaky little toes drill into my side. Ouch! 

Noah is lying on the couch, a blanket right up to his nose. He’s staying warm as he digests the four berry muffin and warm milk that was his breakfast.

It’s -30 Celsius outside, -40 with the wind chill factor. The heating struggles to keep the apartment warm. Hence, Noah’s attempt to bury his toes into my warm body.

He wiggles those little piglets right between my ribs. Ouch! I glance over at him. He’s smiling under the edge of the blanket. Our fat black cat jumps onto the couch and settles down onto Noah’s outstretched legs. She instantly close her eyes and starts purring loudly, like a badly maintained diesel engine.

Ouch! As his pleasure and comfort grow, his toes dig deeper. I slip my hand under the blanket and take his foot. It’s cold. I rub it gently.

“Ouuuhhh…so good dad.” He closes his eyes and gives me a look of satisfaction worthy of that dog who would float into the air when receiving a cookie…  Snuffles that was his name.

The cat leans its head back, prompting Noah to scratch him between the ears.

Cat and kid purr.

I warm his feet with my hands. I remember when they were so small that his fingers and toes were literally transparent. Both his feet held in the small of my palm. I could stare at him for hours. Fascinated by the immensity of nature’s confidence that something so small could grow for decades into a full fledged man like me.

“Dad, could we like skip school, today?”

“No, we both have work to do.”

“But it’s soooo cold and I feel soooo good right now. I don’t want to move … forever.”

“I hear ya. We have at least ten more minutes before we need to move.”

He sighs and slips a little further down into the blanket. The cat stretches and yawns.

“Dad, we could call like my teachers and get the uh, work for today and I promise you I’ll do it this afternoon.”

“That’s a good plan for when you’re sick. But not today.”

Another sigh. The cat opens its eyes just long enough to give me a stare. They’re in league.

His toes are warm now. I slip my hands out of the blanket and push myself upright. That was tough. I move to the kitchen and start gathering his lunch…

Two slices of bread, Italian prosciutto, cheddar cheese, baby carrots, pineapple juice, apple sauce.

Just moving about creates eddies of cold air. I get an idea. Bing!

I gather Noah’s clothes, throw them into the drier and set the timer to … delight!

Five minutes later, the machine buzzes. I grab the clothes and move quickly to Noah. I slip them under the blanket. They’re steaming hot.

“Oh Oh Ohhhhh…” is Noah’s reaction of unmitigated pleasure.

“Quick, put them on while they’re still hot.”

Noah pulls the blanket over his head. The cat meows it’s displeasure and tries to sneak underneath, unsuccessfully.

“Oh-ho-ho-oh yeah….” are the muffled cries that accompany the strange animal movements. When he finally emerges, he stands up on the couch and caresses himself all over.

“Dad, dad, could you like do the same thing with my coat and gloves and uh, scarf?”

I glance at the clock. “Sure.”

Noah breaks spontaneously into song.

“Ooooooohhhhhhh yeah, so sweet and hot, like hot chocolate, like my love for you, oooooohh yeahhhh, like a day in spring, ooooohhhhh yeah…”.

I turn the knob and hit the button and the drier starts its tumble of mercy with Noah’s winter stuff.,,, as my boy continues his ode to hot sweetness.

“Ooooooohhhhhhh yeah, so sweet and hot, like hot chocolate, like my love for you, oooooohh yeahhhh, like a day in spring, ooooohhhhh yeah…”.

On days like this I marvel at my relatively new ability to cherish what I would likely have rushed through not so long ago.

 

blackberries and cats

“Dad, I find our life has like, I don’t know, gotten better, like.”

“Oh?”

I’m hanging onto my bowl of caffe latté. 7:37 a.m. My body is tired, from nothing, my mind is flat lining, for no reason.

Delightful lack of desire or ambition.

“Yeah, like we’re cleaning the house and like I,m not really interested in TV anymore and we’re eating fruits and vegetables.”

This, as he fills his mouth with blackberries, juicy, sweet and perfectly shaped. The idea of blackberry become reality.

“Yeah, and you know dad, I feel like older, like you know…”

A blackberry, so gorged with goodness, can’t hold back and squirts lavishly out of his mouth onto the table. Noah, turns to me, unsure how to react. He knows it stains.

“Wow, kid, that was one heck of a blackberry. Show off!”

Noah sucks up the juices and chuckles.

“Good one, dad!”

I suck up the last of my coffee and push off the chair.

“I’ll get the socks.”

“Thanks dad.”

Socks are a subject of concern every morning. Finding a pair in the drier is my job. An extension of being the family launderer. I generally make no attempt at matching. Gave that up years ago. But, this morning, I’m feeling generous.

I call out to him from the depths of the dryer. “Noah, I’ve got a match, the striped socks you really like.”

“Sweet.”

I hear him running off to his room. He starts singing the tune he’s memorizing for the school’s musical. They’re doing the Aristocats. He’s playing Roquefort, the mouse.

“Everybody wants to be a cat, because a cat is the only cat that knows….everybody wants to be a cat…”.

By the time I come out of the bathroom, he’s already fully dressed.

“Wow, Noah that was quick.”

“Pretty good, huhn?”

“Nope. Not pretty good…”.

He looks up at me, seriously. Damn, he’s still only four feet tall.

“… aweeeessssssooommmee.”

He smiles spontaneously. My kid is a full-faced, full crooked toothed smile. Radiant. At his age, the best I could command was a Gioconda half smile filled with as much sadness as mirth.

“Mr. François says that like if the play was tomorrow I could do it. I’m the only one who knows all his lines and all the songs. Cool, huhn?”

“Sure is.”

I hand him his toothbrush laden with gel. We both clean our teeth to the rhythm of his brush that flashes for a minute since that’s the time recommended by the Canadian Dentist’s Association.

Yup, I know things!

Kmows sings while brushing. Normally I would tell him to brush and then sing, but what the hell….I join in instead.

Everybody wants to be a cat,
because a cat’s the only cat
who knows where it’s at.
Everybody’s pickin’ up on that feline beat,
’cause everything else is obsolete.
Now a square with a horn,
can make you wish you weren’t born,
ever’time he plays;
and with a square in the act,
he can set music back
to the caveman days.

 

simple…

How sweet it can be!

At 7:30 I caressed Noah’s head…to wake him. His eyebrows arched, but his eyes stayed closed. I gently ran a hand down his short ten year old body.

So small.

He stirred and stretched audibly. His eyes fluttered.

“Bonjour, Noah.”

He smiled. Waking with a smile… a gift!

He curls back up with a sigh…. of pleasure.

“Two more minutes, dad.”

“Sure.”

I go warm a cup of milk and unwrap the Italian cherry cornetto for breakfast. By the time I place them on the kitchen table, he’s stepping out of his room. He looks up, bleary-eyed.

“It’s bright today, dad.”

“Sure is… “.

In fact the windows were awash with bright winter sunlight. Even succeeded in blurring the traces of dirt. I don’t often wash my windows.

“I slept like a dog.”

“You mean a log.”

“Yeah.”

He sits and sips his milk. His ten toes intertwine under the table.

“I don’t know why dad, but I feel awesome. It’s sick.”

He stares at his pastry before taking a bite worthy of an Orc. Then he stares at it again. The cherry filling oozes out. He laps it with his tongue.

Master of his Universe.

I sit down beside him with my caffe latté. I dunk an S-shaped cookie and suck the the coffee.

Master of my Universe.

The cat jumps onto Noah’s lap and turns in circles, searching for the sweet spot.

“Oooohhh…the claws.” Noah grimaces but doesn’t chase the cat away.

“She’s stepping on my balls, dad.” Finally the fat feline settles and goes instantly to sleep.

Master of her Universe.

“We have a great life, huhn dad !?!”

“Yes we do.”

As I say it, I realize that I believe it. No ‘yes…but’ anywhere in my usually disappointed mind.

Could it be this simple?

 

 

So excited…!

“Dad, I’m so pumped!”

noah has been excited...for years!

Before dawn, Sunday.

I wake as Noah erupts into my room. Odd. I’m rested.

“I’m like really sorry, dad, I know it’s like way too early, it’s like 5:17, but it’s just that I can’t help myself, you know?”

“I know.”

“Really?”

“Really. Go grab your pillow and come into bed with me.”

“Oh yeah.”

He rabbit foots it to his room. I hear him cooing to the cat who is upset that Noah is abandoning her in his bed.

I roll over and find a comfortable position. My mind starts racing over the shoals of everything I need to do today and in the next week. The issues flow like clear water. None of the concerns become worries.

I feel good.

Noah comes in, throwing his pillow onto my bed and jumping right in behind it. An energy hardly conducive to sleep but what the hell…

…I’m excited too.

After years of work and risk and failure, I’ve finally succeeded in getting a feature-film financed. A film I’ve written and which I’ll direct.

Major stress. But functional, not existential. No guarantee of success but at least I get to roll the dice.

“Dad, the Pokémon pre-release is at 11, right?”

“Right.”

“I sure don’t want to be late.”

“That’s funny, kid. I think six hours is more than enough time to get ready.”

“Well…not really six hours.”

Noah goes into chartered accountant mode.

“Actually dad…uh, it’s like more like…five hours and thirty-seven minutes.”

I blow a noisy, wet raspberry in the back of his neck. He squeals and slaps and laughs.

“Oh so gross, dad.”

He jumps me and starts spittling on me, trying to hit my face. I restrain him, throw him bodily to the other side of the bed.

“Stop Noah. I can’t fight before dawn.”

“Hahahaha….fail!”

“Truce, okay?”

“Okay.”

He throws himself down on his pillow with such violence that the bed shakes. And I have a really solid bed, made for epic adventures with witches and princesses. I have traveled the world in my bed, looking for love, finding pleasure.

“Dad?”

“Hum?”

“It’s really cool that like the new Pokémon series is like at least a hundred eighty seven new cards, cool huh?”

Hours of negotiations to be expected…”no, Noah, we won’t buy…” followed by his signature ‘awwww-unnnnh’ of disappointment.

“Sure, Noah…real cool!”

“Dad, do you think we could buy a deck box of the new series?”

“No, Noah, we won’t buy it this week.”

“Aaaaawwww-unnnnh!”

The joy of predictability.

In three weeks I will hear, “Quiet on set,” and the immense army needed to make a film will fall silent. I will say “Action” and there, before my eyes, the world I created on paper, years ago, will take life.

And I will take flight.

“Dad, I’m so excited…”

“… I just can’t hide it…”

He starts bopping in bed and I join in.The cat has sauntered in. She shakes her head. Cats hate noise.

We go wild, bed bopping and singing at top volume.

“We’re so excited, we just can’t hide it…”.

Shaboom! Shaboom!

 

 

 

 

Be happy!

 

Quiet pleasures.

6:50 a.m. I am pulled out of a light sleep by sounds from beyond my closed door. The cat food being poured into the aluminum dish. Noises of comfort as Noah and his cat rise together. He talks to the animal like to a baby, “who”s hungry, yeah you’re hungry, yeah who loves you, yeah, I do.”

I hear his Sasquatch feet thump thump towards my door. I’m fully expecting it to be blasted open. A second, two, three go by… no Noah.

I rearrange my position on the bed to peek through the crack in the door. Noah is standing just outside, where there’s a full length mirror. He’s examining himself. He slicks down a cowlick which immediately kicks back up.

Futile.

Yet, he tries again with a little more insistence, but no better results. He hardly seems to care as he strikes one pose after another.

I lean out of bed and pull the door open.

He freezes in a sexy look.

“Looking good, Noah.”

“I do look good, don’t I?”

This kid is so unlike me in so many ways. In almost as many ways in which he is just like me.

He has a brash arrogance and doesn’t hesitate to find himself, smart, good-looking, talented. In that way he is my polar opposite. But at times it feels like he’s whistling in the dark

Being brash to avoid being seen for the fragile thing he truly is. In that way he would be just like me.

Or maybe he’s just self-confident.

“What time is it, kid?”

“6:55.”

“Great. Five minutes left. Jump in bed so we can hug.”

He rolls into my bed but stays at a little distance.

“Did you have a good sleep dad?”

“Really great. You?”

“Oh yeah, I slept like I was dead. And Ouaga stayed with me all night, like she jumped in just when I went to bed and started purring so yeah, she put me right to sleep.”

“Sweet.”

“Yeah, I love Ouaga. And you know dad I had such a nice day yesterday, You know it was really great. I mean I played on the computer all morning and then I started organizing my room for when we’re going to repaint it, yeah, that’s going to be so cool. And then I won all my three matches at the Pokemon tournament and got a full-art special X card, yeah and then we came back and had my favorite supper and then we saw two really good animation films together. I especially liked the first one about the cat and the burglar. It was exciting even without any special effects or 3D stuff, you know? Yeah. Wow! A really great day.”

I have always been suspicious of such easy happiness. A Fool’s Paradise? Then again. Have I spent too much of my life in a Fool’s Hell?

“Hey, Noah, there’s a couple of minutes left, and I would really love a hug.”

“How, dad? You’re lying down.”

He has a grimace on his face. It’s times like this that I wish I had a daughter. She would hug me without protesting, I’m sure.

But, she probably would be too affectionate. That would annoy me.

Finally, I must recognize that I have a hard time being happy.

Period.

“Dad, you know the best part of yesterday? It was like I didn’t like expect anything, you know so when it sorta happened, it just like happened, you know?”

The alarm goes off. I lunge for it. Noah jumps on my back to stop me. He laughs like a demon as we battle to the ‘pioup pioup’ of the alarm. That’s the equivalent of a boy hug, I guess.

I finally succeed in holding him off long enough to shut off the annoying reminder that it’s Monday and I have a hundred reasons to get tense and miserable.

“Ahhhhh, that was fun.”

He throws himself down on my bed and stretches luxuriantly. I’m about to tell him that we need to get up and and…

…and the hell with it!

I drop back down beside him. We stretch and groan and …

“Oh yeah, we have like gym today, dad, youhou, I love gym. Awesome… .”

Be happy! I admonish myself! Be happy dammit!

Noah vaults over me and off the bed in one slick move. He shimmies away, singing.

“I’m sooo excited, I just can’t hide it, oh, oh…”.

Be happy dammit!

 

 

ninety more

 

“You know dad, nine years old is the best year of my life.”

He’s stretching in bed.

7H30 in the morning. I let him sleep in as much as I could even though it’s a school day. He went to bed at 11 last night.

Really late.

“Dad, I had such a great day.”

“No kidding, ten hours of crazy fun with your cousins at La Ronde (amusement park).”

“More than that, we left like it was not even 10:30 in the morning and and and …”

His eyes are still closed, but the counting and contradicting parts of his brain are fully awake.

“….and yeah so like 10h30 to 9 o’clock, because that’s when they stop the rides, so that’s euh euh, ten and a half hours, dad.”

He stretches with a loud satisfied ‘aaaaahhh’.

“What you don’t understand dad is that like the last half hour it’s like the best because we did The Monster like four times in a row because like the guy you know who measures you? yeah, he like let us ride over and over, because most people were like leaving, you know?”

“Yup.”

The last five minutes in therapy is where everything comes out. The last few points are when the true sports champions rise to the occasion and win. Deadlines, or a noose, focus the attention.

The last moments before death is when you realize that all that matters is love.

The cat jumps onto the bed in the small space available. She butts noses with Noah.

“Okay, Ouaga, I’m going to feed you.” He stumbles out of bed. The cat swipes at him because that,s what cats do. The two head for the bathroom.

“Aaaaaaaaahhhhh, my god!”

“Tired, Noah?”

“Tired, cold and hungry,” he yells from the bathroom over the sound of pouring cat food, loud miauling and morning urination.

We cross paths in the hallway as I head for the kitchen to prepare breakfast and he stumbles to the futon for more rest. He looks up at me with a lazy, satisfied smile.

“Life is good, dad….”.

…and then you die.

“Yes, it is, Noah.”

The other version is ‘life’s a bitch and then you die’ , says this old dog.

Same destination, different ride.

Noah throws himself onto the futon. Total abandon.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

I’m in the kitchen wondering if I should warm the day-old raspberry turnover.

“I love Melina and Vince and I love my whole family. They’re so awesome.”

Last night they got a ride back from my sister and her husband. So at 10pm, Noah was in the living room storytelling his day, surrounded by a forest of trees way taller than him. We all rustled and bent benevolently towards him. He was like a sun filled patch in a clearing. The heart of the forest.

His pleasure became ours.

I poke a finger in the turnover. Still flaky. No need to warm.

As I lay the turnover and a glass of milk in front of him, he sits up and rubs his hands in anticipation.

“Nine years old is really the best year of my life.”

“Ninety more to go.”

“No, dad, like…. .” He starts counting on his fingers.

“Ninety-one, dad, because like my generation, like, I’m sorry to say this but like we’ll live longer than you, so yeah a hundred years is like ninety-one more. Get it?”

“Got it.”

He bites into the turnover which raspberry farts on his fingers. He licks the fruit with an expression of nostril-flaring pleasure.

Yes, life is good….and then you die. But not for a while.

 

Go for it…

…but come back

“Dad, you’re not going to be too lonely if I like roll ahead?”

“Go for it.”

“Love you daaaaaaaaddddddd.” The last word trails off as he pumps the pedals and zips away down the bike path.

Monday was a holiday in Canada. Remarkably, the three day weekend was solid sunlight and warm weather the whole time.

And Noah got a new bike Saturday. His first brand new bicycle, ever. Prior to this one he had profited from a series of ‘hand me downs’, perfectly adequate but hardly objects of devotion.

But this. An electric blue, 5 speed Mongoose bike, complete with all the bling bling reflectors, chrome detailing and racy decals.

“Dad, like, look at how awesome this thing is. It’s the logo and it’s made of metal. So cool.”

Oh yeah, a round tin badge just underneath the handlebars.

“Look dad, it’s a mongoose. You know mongooses, yeah they fight snakes. Look dad, it’s got crazy claws and teeth. Touch, touch, you can feel the details.”

“Yeah, it’s stamped onto the metal.”

“This bike is so awesome.”

And he zips off. New matching helmet too. Black with blue flames.

“All I need now, you know dad, is those gloves, you know without the fingers so that, yeah, I can ride a long time because, you know you’re always like this.”

He imitates a toothy mongoose gripping a handlebar with a vengeance.

“And it hurts your hands after a while.”

My son the centaur. The top half is still human but the bottom is now an iron horse. Welded together.

Three days of riding and pedaling everywhere we went. If he could have, he would have brought it into bed with him.

He dressed in blue shorts and t-shirt all weekend.

“I look good, huh dad? I match.” He turns this way and that in the mirror, admiring the effect.

“I don’t know why dad, but I feel like i grew up all of a sudden.

So he zips down the bike path that runs just in front of our apartment. I spend much of the summer on our third floor balcony watching the flow of humanity. But now I’m half jogging after my centaur. I don’t yet have a bike. His was the priority.

Noah waits patiently at the corner of the street. I’m still paces away when the light changes. He looks back, I wave him on. He gives me a thumbs up before pumping his pedals and disappearing into the mass of weekend bikers.

I huff and I puff and eventually see him again waiting at the next corner. The light changes, setting off the same routine and he zips across the street into the park.

Geez, I need a bike.

Though I could also consider this training for the future. More quickly than I care to know, he will be rolling away as he grows older and more independent. Eventually, he will will fall in love with a metier, a woman, a place and he will leave with a wave.

My little big man will become a man.

This time he’s waiting for me in the park, straddling his bike. Damn, he does look good.

As I approach, he smiles. A poster for pleasure. A model of joy unencumbered by any form of regret.

“Dad, you really gotta get a bike, so that we can uh, go fast and uh go far, like, together, you know.”

“Absolutely.”

Cool. I still have a few years.

“Dad, there’s just one thing.”

He looks around, checking if anyone is watching him.

“Right here…”

He gingerly, tenderly grabs his crotch and the fleshy bits around.

“….it’s really really sore.”

“Saddle bites…it’ll get better and then disappear.”

“Okay. Dad, dad, can I cross the park.”

“Sure, go for it. But come back often to say hello. Okay.”

“Okay, daaaaaaadddddd.”

His last word trails away as he disappears in the crowd.

 

 

 

 

 

so…

…they say

Charge!

The door blasts open a second before my alarm goes off. I wake and roll with an incoherent “whaaaa….?”.

“Dad, it’s a spectacular day, look.”

He points to my blinds that are struggling to contain the bright morning light, creating a brilliant yellow halo.

“It’s like the same in my room. I just couldn’t stay in bed, you know, it’s like way too much light to stay in bed. Yeah.”

I’ve got my alarm set with a “pioop, pioop” sound. The least alarming of alarms. It’s not taking into account the “awesomeness” that is my son. And his irrepressible charge.

“Dad, can I have both, uhm, uhm…”

“Pastries?”

“Yeah, pastries….can I have both?”

“Sure.”

Oh! Sweet wonder of life!!

There’s a full bowl of coffee left in the pot. A little milk, a lot of sugar, a 45 second whizz around the microwave and I’m sitting on the futon beside the “pastry destroyer”.

The strawberry cobblers are both sticky and flaky. Perfection for a pastry, scary for a girlfriend. But lots of pleasure in both cases, despite the cleanup costs.

But today, it’s so sunny, that dark memories are quashed.

“Mmmm, mmmm, dad, do you think I should wear my new shoes today? Because like we used my old shoes you know when they measured for uhm, uhm, I don’t know how you call it… goes here over the shoes. Anyways for the musical maybe I should wear my old shoes. Yeah, because today we do the whole show you know.”

The school has been preparing costumes, sets, rehearsing songs and choreographies for the year end musical. This time it’s The Pirates Of Penzance with 95 students on stage at one point or another. Noah is a pirate. Of course.

“Weren’t they giving you boots?”

“No, no, black things that like go from here around the uh, ankles, yeah, and then go over our shoes.”

“Like spats.”

“Yeah, exactly, that’s what Mr. Francois said. Spats.”

“Wear your old shoes so that there are no hassles.”

“Okay, and I’ll like wear my new shoes for the Halo Race. I got new shorts, new shoes, a new white T-shirt. All I need, dad, is a new water bottle.”

The old one has in fact acquired a permanent slime around the spout, like the bottom of an abandoned rubber wading pool. Hardly refreshing.

“What a week, huh, dad. Craaaaaaazzzzyyyy fun. Tomorrow is the show. No, no, first today is a whole run through, so yeah, that’s cool. In full costume too. Tomorrow, it’s the show. Twice, because we do it for another school in the, uhm, after lunch. Then we stay for supper and do it like in a premiere, that means the first time…did you know that, dad?”

“Yes, sir.”   I’ve had a few of my own, what with being a filmmaker. But this is his parade.

“Ha, cool, Sir Noah…ha…yeah so then after tomorrow is the Halo Race. You know dad, Sir Noah, here, is the lead runner from my class because I’m the fastest. Cool huh? And that was with my old shoes. So, yeah. We run a whole three kilometers and it’s for sick kids. And there are us, 165 students, and five other schools of like, oh, at least three hundred, so yeah, we’re going to be like one thousand, uh, five, no, six hundred and and and sixty-five.”

“Wow, now that’s a lot.” The kid’s good with math. Pray it leads to wealth.

Noah is beginning the assault on the second pastry. I suck the last few drops of coffee. Noah has been doing the inventory of the week’s wonders all weekend, so I know the lines.

It has become like an anthem for him. He sings the list continuously because it feels good. I make a mental note to find my Marley CD and pump it through my headphones while I work today. I may come close to his level of pleasure.

“So after after tomorrow, yeah that’s Thursday, we do the show again two times, and the last time is at night and all my family is coming, yeah, we bought eight tickets right?”

“Right.” Even bought a ticket for his 15 year old cousin’s girlfriend.

“Then after after after (he’s counting on his fingers by now) it’s Laser Quest. And then after after after after tomorrow it’s Amanda’s birthday party and…..”

He takes a deep breath and smiles at his own comic pause.

“… and then, the best of the best, the day after after after after after tomorrow. That’s Sunday, right? Yeah, it’s the Pokemon pre-release. Woooohooooouuu. So awesome that awesome is not a good enough word, dad.”

What’s so awesome, that awesome is too weak a word?

A friend told me last week that despite what I may think, I’m actually happy…that I have a Happy Soul.

We did buy new shoes, Noah and I. It was a 2 for 1 special. So we definitely have Happy Soles.

“Mega Awesome dad. It’s a Mega Awesome Week.”

A Happy Week.

Happy Soles.

Happy.

 

 

the small…

…the big, the beautiful

“Dad? Is that you?”

“Hi Noah.”

“Ouf!” He drops back onto his bed and stretches with an expression of utter luxury.

I go for the first whizz of the day. I register, lazily, that it’s sunny again….the sixth straight day of total morning to night sun. And it’s hot.

I pour myself the second half of the coffee pot…an Italian moka pot that makes exactly two big portions. So I pack it with espresso only once every two days. Today is the bonus day, where I just need to warm the coffee with milk and voila! … caffe latte.

A small luxury to start the day.

I hear Noah stretching audibly as he pees. I hope he remembers to aim.

A first taste. Today the coffee tastes exactly the way it does in the small hotels in Italy where they include breakfast. Sensory flashes of the coast of Italy where there is beauty everywhere, casual, natural beauty.

“Dad, can I open the balcony door. It’s like so nice today. You know what it makes me think of? The sun, all the light coming through?”

“No.”

I’m sipping my caffe latte …  enjoying my Italian vacation. Sweet and bitter, no acidity…. a delight.

“It feels like Italy.”

If we were women, Noah and I would menstruate at the same time.

“Yeah, it’s feels like when I woke up, remember I would wake up real early and run out. No, no, first I put on my sandals and then I would run to see the dogs, the crazy one, the noisy one and then the really old one, remember, the one who dragged his butt when he walked?”

My cousin’s house, north of Napoli, was our home base during our trip to Italy, three years ago. It was also an improvised refuge for the town’s stray animals. Summer in Italy is filled with cats and dogs abandoned by uncaring owners who run out of time, patience, money… or who just go on a one month vacation and leave the animal behind.

“Yeah and then I would run down and say good morning to the kitties, there were like four of them, and the Mom who like had them in Mirella’s garage, yeah, she trusted me. She let me pick them up. Yeah, I would walk around with them in my arms.”

And then the sun would come up (he jumped out of bed at 5 am) and my cousin Mirella would make him a caffe latte with Orzo, a barley substitute that they roast to taste just like espresso. Her husband, Enzo, was a truck driver. He and Noah hit it off, in part because he’s a big kid and Noah is a small adult, in part because they were both up before the sun.

“Awwww, dad, I want to go back to Italy. Can we go this summer?”

“I would love that, Noah. But it’s too expensive.”

“Awwww.”

“You know what would be possible. Mirella and Enzo would be thrilled if you spent the summer with them. How would you like that? I can afford the one plane ticket.”

“Naaahh…I want to go with you.”

“Yeah, I would miss you too much.”

“Me too dad. I have more fun when you’re there because like we share stuff, like when we went on the Vesuvio, yeah and started jumping over the steam holes, that was freaky cool, remember?”

Fumarolle… the slopes of the volcano, the Vesuvio, are so hot that the ground expels plumes of steam out of natural faults.

“You got burned because you jumped too close.”

“I know, that was hot….ha! hot! get it?”

I love Italy. Before Noah, I had found a way to live there part of the year.

Big luxury.

“Dad, I love Italy. But I wouldn’t want to live there.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, because all my family, I mean except for Mirella and Enzo, I mean they’re all here. Yeah. And there’s no hockey in Italy.”

“There is, but they suck at it.”

“Yeah… that’s why we need to go, like for a vacation. It’s just beautiful for a vacation… like three weeks like.”

“I like.”

“I like too.”

“No, I like too.” with that crazy Joe Pesci accent.

“No, I like too.” He does a good dumb Italian.

Not quite a vacation in Italy, but hey, you go with what you got.

Know what I mean? Eh, you, what you lookin’ at? Lookin’ at me?

 

 

 

 

 

simple stuff…

“Did you sleep well, dad?”

“Yessir!”

“Great…me too.”

A porcelain whizz. Load the coffee pot. Slip Noah his antacid pill.

“Did you feed the cat, Noah.”

“Ouaga was still sleeping on my bed, so I didn’t want to wake her.”

He hops off the futon and skips to the bathroom. I hear the cat food pouring in the dish, then Noah rinsing the water bowl.

“Come here, Ouaga, yeah, I love you Ouaga.”

Meow and midget make noises of friendship and mutual dependency.

I stare at the coffee pot on the stove. It has no handle. I melted it down a few days ago when I forgot the pot on the stove. It got red hot. But I was able to salvage it…sort of.

Steam pours out of the joint in the middle, rather than extruding from the top as coffee.

Extrude.

Funny word. I’ve got to remember to check its exact meaning in the dictionary. I suspect I’m using it wrong.

“Dad, what time did you go to bed?”

“11:01 precisely. And I fell asleep instantly.”

In fact I fell asleep while attempting to construct a vague erotic fantasy starring a.. a… a… . I couldn’t decide what imaginary friend to seduce.

“And you got up at 7:01. That’s good dad, that’s uh, wow, eight hours.”

“And I didn’t wake up once.”

“Me too, dad. Ouaga was so nice. She spent the whole night with me. I like opened my eyes only once and she was there at like the end of my bed. Yeah, I like it when she stays there, because you know, if she comes up to me like right here you know, right under my face, when I’m sleeping…yeah, I like need to breathe so, without doing it like … without wanting to do it, I like move and she leaves and then I wake up and I’m alone and I don’t like that.”

Ah! The coffee is extruding from the top with that delightful “raaaaaahhhh” sound of satisfaction. I wrap two dishtowels around it in lieu of a handle. Gotta go to the dollar store and buy an oven mitt.

In lieu.

Cool expression. I love it when English steals from French and is too lazy to even change the spelling.

Lazy …my kind of language.

“Dad, I’ll feed Crownsey (his fish)!” He runs off to his room, humming something vaguely recognizable. .

My patchwork of dishtowels is ready. I tip the coffee pot and pour out into a bowl. The towels are too hot within seconds and I’ve only got a few thimbles of the dark gold in the bowl.

Now what! I look around for something else to wrap around the burning metal.

“Hallo Crownsey…how was your night? Did you sleep well? What time? Yeah, you look all sleepy. Here you go. Come on! Time for breakfast.”

Breakfast!

I find a clean bowl and pour cereal and milk…one clean spoon left in the dishwasher.

“Noah, breakfast.”

“Dad, Crownsey is so funny the way she just like curls up in that big shell, yeah it’s like her cavern, you know.”

He sits and works at submerging every floating cereal.

Sink and bob.

If I was a famous motivational guru I would draw a wonderful lesson:
Life is like a bowl of cereal… no matter how often you are pushed down you will always bob back up.

Cheerio!

But since I’m am obscure dad/writer/filmmaker I turn my attention back to my coffee pot without the handle. Has the metal cooled enough to handle?

Hmm! Handle without a handle.

Another life lesson. Damn if only I was Oprah, I would become rich and famous with all these epiphanies.

No, if I was Oprah I would already be rich and famous …and a caricature of true life lessons.

“Dad, can I have another bowl of cereal…I’m starving.”

“Right away, master!”

I pop and jump and skip and hurry.

Noah is smiling.

“Dad, I like it when you’re in such a good mood.”

Yes, I am in a good mood. Why? I could evoke a  whole host of reasons. An inventory, a list, a compendium.

Compendium. Another sweet word.

“I love you, dad.”

“I love you, kid.”

There you go. As simple as that.

Now if I could only write some of this stuff down … I could be Oprah or Doctor Phil or…