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…debates and war and peace

“Don’t touch my *&?%X?$$3@ car.”

“Wow, a Neanderthal with a vocabulary.”

“I should just run you over.”

“Says the caveman with a car.”

I can tell by the top half of his body, that the guy in the old Volvo is probably way taller, bigger and certainly more rabid than me.

But he overshot the stop sign by six feet, cutting Noah and me off just as we were beginning to cross the street. Pisses me off generally, but when it comes close to my kid I become an avenger without a mask or a suit.

I tapped the hood of his car that is so far forward that pedestrians are forced into oncoming traffic to cross. Signaled him to back up. There was no car behind him. Which is when he went ballistic.

Noah is on the street corner.

Part of my frontal lobe tells me to calm down. Wonders whether this is the model you want him to have.

Volvo man is enraged.

“You stupid f….ing &?%?&$*&% a….hole.”

Imagine! I touched his piece of old metal junk, which he jerks ahead a foot more to scare me, scattering the other pedestrians. He gets a couple of nasty looks but nobody says anything.

Herd of sheep more interested in running to their pasture than anything else.

I notice an empty baby seat in the back of his car. I wave to Noah to come cross while I stand in front of his car. I take my boy by the hand, stare down Volvo guy.

“Try to remember there are other kids in the world, and…”.

“…go f…. yourself, you hippie.”

Really!?! My hair is barely below my ears.

We’ve finally reached the other sidewalk. Moron-man roars off, flipping me ferociously.

Noah suddenly turns around and yells at him.

“Caveman. Idiot.”

He huffs and mutters under his breath. ‘Did you see that, dad? He almost hit us”

The passersby look at us as if we were a scandalous couple. They walk around as if avoiding contagion. People defending their rights are always bothersome.

My frontal lobe tells me that violence begets violence which leads to violence which… My lizard brain tells it to fuck off.

“Yeah, what a jerk, eh dad. And he’s like a coward too, because, you know he threatened you but from inside the car.”

“I’ve got to be careful though. One of these days, one of those jerks is going to come after me and I’ll go, ‘Oops’, just before he flattens me.”

Noah chuckles. He’s probably playing a cartoon version in his mind.

“I should probably learn to control myself, because these guys never react well when you point out their lack of respect.”

“Dad, you remember, like yesterday, or I don’t know maybe it was Monday, but remember that lady in the car who did the same thing and like she opened the window and said she was sorry? Yeah and she really was, like, sorry.”

“That’s true. She realized her mistake and apologized. She’ll probably be more careful in the future”

“Yeah, so maybe caveman, ha, that’s funny, yeah maybe caveman will be more careful too. Except he’ll be angry because he’s a guy. Maybe that’s the difference, dad.”

Or he’s just a jerk.

“Maybe, Noah.  He’s probably a good dad, too.”

“Yeah, he should remember that when like there are other kids and he’s in a car because like a car hurts if it hits you. Haha.”

He’s enjoying his own wit.

“Dad, do you do like what you did when I’m not there?”

“Nope.”

“Why not.”

“Because protecting you is the most important thing in my life, no matter what it takes.”

“So like you would die to save me?”

“Absolutely.”

“Me too, dad, I would like sacrifice myself to save you.”

“Thanks Noah. But you’re a kid. Let the adults worry about that.”

“Okay, dad. I’m just saying, because you know I love you.

“Yeah, I know. And right back atchya, kid.”