Behind my closed door, from my bed, I hear Noah rushing to the bathroom. He flushes before going. I know that means he’s going to sit on the toilet. In fact, I hear grunts and plops and then a long wiping silence followed by a flush.
As a parent I am very satisfied by his bowel movements. Proof of my good job on a number of levels.
I don’t hear him going back to bed though its only 5h30. I’m now fully awake so I get up.
Odd. I’m not even tired.
Noah is sitting in the living room, TV on mute, surrounded by his Halloween candy.
“Did I wake you, dad? I’m so sorry.” He genuinely is.
“It’s ok. I was awake already. This way we have an extra hour and half together before school.”
Wow, what I smile I get in recompense to such small generosity. What’s more I really do enjoy the morning, cartoon-filled snuggle with my boy.
“You’re not mad?” Crazy, for sure.
“Nope, actually, I’m happy.”
He pops a candy in his mouth. I should impede candy before breakfast but this morning the mood is … sweet.
Noah’s face contorts into the ugliest of expressions.
“Oh, that’s ssssssoooooo sour.”
He looks at me with delighted distress.
“You want to try it dad?”
“Not with my coffee. Later.”
“Woooooouuhhh. That’s one heck of a candy.”
He immediately rummages to find another.
“Sour is sweet…cool huh, dad. Like two things that are uh, you know… what’s the word?”
“Yeah, opposites. It’s sweet because it’s sour. Get it?”
For a while now, emotions make me cry. Good, bad, sad, happy, all move me to tears. I’ve avoided listening to certain music, watching certain movies. even meeting certain friends because even beauty hurts.
My Mother dying hasn’t helped. I have even avoided bananas and strawberries, her favorite fruit, because it reminds me of her.
Yet, there is so much sweetness in my life. My boy, my sisters and brothers, both biological and spiritual. My mind.
Sweet, sour, bitter.
The sour and bitter are strong flavors, to be consumed in moderation..to be included in recipes, as accents, revealers.
Like emotions… all good but some to be experienced in moderation.
“Give me one of those sour ones, kid.”
To remind me of the sweetness in my life.