flip and flip…

…and crazy people

“Yeah, tech decks are so cool.”

Noah examines the toy with avidity. Tech decks are miniature, fully functioning skateboards complete with decals. They are finger-sized, to permit acrobatic flips and runs, mimicking actual skaters.

“How many do you have, Malcolm?”

“I only got da two.”

“I have two, too.”

I stand to the side as we wait for the morning school bus. I like it when Noah gets into deep conversation with a friend and forgets me. It gives me a window into his personality,

“Malcolm, did you ever see the Dollarama fake ones? Yeah, they’re no good and like the wheels are lousy and then they just bust in no time. They’re cheap but they’re so cheap. Haha, get it?”

An insecure comic. But, then again, aren’t we all?

“Ahhh, I can’t do it.”

Malcolm has been trying a special two finger air flip, unsuccessfully.

“Look, look, this is how. You see, you put your two fingers on top and this one under and flip.”

With a rapid movement he throws the tech deck in the air and lands it perfectly.

Malcolm smiles widely. “Good one, Noah.”

“Yeah, I learned because I have like ramps and stairs, like tech deck size to do all the tricks, yeah, you know? Those I got from a friend of my dad. But my two real tech decks, not the dollar stores ones, yeah, those my dad gave me.”

Thy share a silence. Very rare in their world.

“Yeah, you know my dad gave them to me as a birthday gift, but listen a gift for me on his birthday because on his brthday he gives gifts instead of like getting gifts. Cool, huhn?”

“How’s dat possible?”

“Dad…?”

I feign innocence.

“Yes?”

“Why do you give me like gifts on your birthday?”

“Because, for me, giving a gift is more fun than receiving one.”

He turns to Malcolm.

“See?”

I turn away, I did my trick. Now to fake indifference.

“Too cool. I wish I had a cool dad like dat.”

“I have the most awesome dad.”

“My dad is never dere.”

“Wha…?”

“Yeah, my dad is never dere. I call him on da phone and he never answers. He says I should leave a message, but I do and he never calls. Never.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah. Sucks big time.”

Again a moment of silence. I’m waiting for Noah to share that his Mother is not there, hasn’t been for years and that he never, ever calls her.

Silence.

The two flip tech decks with their fingers. Malcolm finally gets it right.

“See that, Noah?”

“Yeah, watch this.”

The two rival with each other, finger flipping, ‘oohing’ and ‘aahhing’.

“Did your mom give you these?”

Malcolm shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s my grandfather.”

“My grandfather is dead, and like my grandmother, yeah, she just died like not long ago.”

Malcolm frowns, mostly because he fails to flip properly.

“But, you have two sets, no? Of grandparents?”

“No, I never met my uh, mom’s grandmother. I think she’s crazy like my mom.”

“What you mean crazy?”

“Crazy-crazy not like when you say crazy because it’s cool, but crazy because you’re like ‘aaahhhhh–eeeeeeuuuhhh.”

He simulates what he believe is a crazy person’s grimaces. Close enough. I should know, having fallen in love with one, his mom, and fornicated with others.

Fornicate. Love the word. Sounds strangely culinary.

Put a bun in the oven and he grows feet and legs and teeth and becomes….a son.

The school bus rounds the corner.

“Dad, can Malcolm like come over after school, so we can like do tech deck competitions.”

“Why not.”

“Awesome.”

Crazy awesome

 

 

 

A haunting…

…number

“So, how’s life, on a scale from one to ten?”

Halloween evening and we’ve gathered at a friend’s house for a pre-Trick or Treat spaghetti dinner.

It has been our tradition since Noah was 5. A daycare buddy, Lucas, who’s still a friend even though they see each other only twice a year…at Halloween and at an annual summer picnic.

So Lucas’ Mother, a sweet very together audiologist,  genuinely cares to know.

So I genuinely try to answer for real rather than the usual reflexive, “I’m OK” or some easy joke.

“Dad, dad !” My very own Soul Reaper comes charging up the stairs. “Can we go yet, for trick or treat?”

“Mom, mom!” Lucas, as a construction worker, comes charging up the stairs. “Everybody is already trick or treating.”

“First, spaghetti…” , in unison, me and the Mom.

Kids are streaming in, families are gathering for the great assault on the neighborhood’s haunted houses, witches’ covens and other comically ghoulish candy givers.

The Moms gather in the kitchen, slinging spaghetti in bowls and holding their kids in place just long enough to suck down a few noodles.

The Dad’s gather in the kitchen and get involved in discussions about design, renovation, politics, while sucking down noodles.

I gravitate to the Mothers. Because I have to feed my kid and because I like women. I get involved in a conversation about language education and acid reflux in children.

I may not be changing the world. Then again, maybe I am.

My little Soul Reaper is just bursting out of his costume with excitement.

“Daaaaaaadddddd, can we go NOW, pleeaassee.”

“Mooooommm…..”. Lucas is hopping vertically as if he’s swallowed a pogo stick.

We gather the kids and parents, dictate a few rules than no one is listening to and the expedition sets off.

Instantly, the kids run off, screaming in pure adrenaline joy. The walk in the streets is a delight. The scene is pure fantasy with a host of characters,  funny and gross or weird and beautiful. The Dad’s do the walking while the Mom’s stay at home for the candy distribution.

This time I’m with the Dads.

As I follow the six kids we’re watching, the Dads hang back and chat or check their smart phones. I have a dumb-phone, so I watch my Soul Reaper and his Construction friend, followed by a geisha, an astronaut, a super hero and a princess.

I went from being a Mom to being a Dad, and finally, full circle, to being a kid.

I howl spontaneously to the moon. The kids join in without a neuron’s hesitation.

I suddenly realize I never answered Lucas’ Mother’s question.

“How’s my life on a scale of one to ten?”

Must remember to tell her that right now, this very instant, definitely…

… a fat, giggling 10 .

 

 

to live…

…or not to live

“What’s the question, Noah?” 

I admit to not listening to everything he says in that ceaseless excited flow of words that often repeats what he’s already said before, often.

“Why does she say she ‘has no life’, dad? Like she’s breathing and and and and…”

Oops! The hamster in his brain is running too quickly for his mouth.

“…and like, you know, she laughs too. She’s not dead!”

She, is the mom with two kids who waits with us for the school bus .

“It’s a figure of speech, an exaggeration to illustrate that outside of taking care of her kids, she doesn’t have time for much else.”

Amazing how I channel the Oxford English Dictionary when I need to.

“Geez, dad, I don’t know.”

He’s looking serious, even offended.

“Like, listen to me now.”

Ouch. He’s gone “dead” serious.

“How would you like you know, how would you like it if I was all ‘Oh, I don’t have a life…oh poor me’ because like I spend ALL my time with you and and you know, it’s not nice.”

Damn! How often must he have heard me saying I had no life.

“She was sort of joking.”

“Yeah, but like its not funny, eh, if you’re the only one like laughing.”

“True.”

True.

Parents often complain about having no life, as if life with their kids was not living. And they say it to each other with the kids there.

Classic.

I’ve spent a whole lot of my life striving for a life, only to realize that the more I strove for it, the more it slipped further over the horizon.

Most people live as if they’ll never die and die as if they’ve never lived.

“You know, Noah, what she really meant is that life with her kids is so important that nothing outside of that is really living.”

“Then, you know dad, she’s like a grown woman, that’s what she shoulda said.”

Tough kid.

“Hey, Noah, my life with you is so important to me that it is MY life.

Both of his eyebrows shoot up at me.

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

Absolutely.