mind over butt…
He spittles a few pieces of milk-sopped cereals, doesn’t notice or rather doesn’t care.
Honestly, neither do I.
“Yeah, actually, no no, my eyes went like this, you know just like this…”
He’s doing a Betty Boop fluttering lashes look.
“…opened like not even half and I saw that it was 5:11, and the cat went “raaaannrrrr” and started purring again and I went back to sleep and when I opened my eyes again, it like felt like the next minute, you know, but it was 6:38…imagine?”
I know. Two blinks of an eye and a decade goes by. Noah is 9. Imagine.
“Good, Noah. Feels great to sleep a whole night, doesn’t it?”
“Oh yeah, I’m full of peas!”
“Full of beans.”
Colloquial English expressions still escape him… still a foreign language. He was born into French and started learning English only in kindergarten.
“Did you sleep all night dad?”
“Yes, didn’t even get up to pee.” I’ve been training myself, developing an 8 hour bladder.
“That’s great dad!”
“No kidding. Thanks to you.”
Gotta give credit when credit is due.
After all, I rightfully blame him for keeping me awake when he doesn’t sleep at night, torturing me with real but self induced pains here and there and everywhere. For weeks he would wake in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep. I tried everything medical, homeopathic, herbal, magical, evil…nothing.Then I offered unlimited computer use if he didn’t wake me.
That very same night, he let me sleep, though I could hear him rustling. Now, several days later, he sleeps all night and so do I…all because he can have what he calls Eternal Computer time.
“Dad, it’s pretty amazing you know, now I sleep and I don’t know why. When like I could not sleep and I didn’t know why.”
“It’s just like at school, Noah, when you have a great day and your teacher puts a great note in your agenda, like yesterday.”
“Yeah, I love when I get a great note in my agenda. Do you love it too, dad?”
“Absolutely. Especially that it’s happening ever more frequently. And you know why it’s happening, right?”
“Oh, yeah, oh yeah, I remember. Because in the morning I go, “Ommmm…”, like when we meditated, yeah, so I relax and concentrate and I say, “Noah…listen work, Noah, listen, work, Noah, listen work…you know like a Mantis.”
A Mantis, of the praying kind, eating the male after sex, is for much later in his life. I’ll teach him a few moves when the time comes.
“So it’s all in your control at school, Noah. And it’s the same when you go to sleep. Your mind is more powerful than any of your problems.”
Especially since most of his issues are generated by his mind to begin with.
“It would be so cool if I could like use my mind to reaaaaalllllyyy do anything. You know?”
“What would you do?”
“Dad, can I have more cereal?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Can you do it for me?”
The box of cereals and the small, kid-friendly pitcher of milk are both right there in front of him.
“Come on Noah….mind over mind!”
“Dad, I just want more cereal.”
“Part of your mind says, I’m hungry…another part says I’m lazy, which part is going to win? Suspense. The conclusion of this episode after the break.”
I get up and go pour myself a second cup of coffee.
By the time I get back he’s gone brooding-brow on me. The cereal bowl is as empty as his stomach probably is.
“Once more, the arch villain, “Butthead” has succeeded in defeating the good guys.”
“You’re calling me Butthead?”
He’s shocked, insulted, incredulous….all so wonderfully evidenced in his slack jawed, wide-eyed, red-eared expression.
“Yes, just like sleeping is defeating Butthead that doesn’t want to sleep and doing well at school is defeating Butthead who doesn’t want to listen, serving yourself cereal is telling Butthead to fart off.”
He can’t help smiling. “Fart off Butthead! Ha!”
“Come on. Serve yourself. We’ve got to get moving soon.”
He bends over and farts and then waves the fetid smell in my face.
I hold my nose, “Gross!”
He laughs with a total super villain chortle…. and serves himself a new bowl of cereal.
Mind over Mind.
Now, Mind over Smell.